I have always dealt with depression. My father died when I was 4, and so my childhood was interspersed with episodes of depression. I have always been internal; I am too much in my mind. But, this this is the worst I have ever been. Granted it has gotten better. There was a time where I honestly did not know whether I would allow mysef to live to see the sunrise the next day. (Though, I do stay up late and rarely ever do see the sunrise, but its a metaphor...relax)
I do not have very many friends...and several of the friends that I do have live in Wisconsin. No that's not Timbuktu, but it kind of is when you don't have a car. I have my family and I typically stay with either Jason or John once or twice during a 4 week span. But, this is still not a lot of socializing considering that I don't have a job, so I am home a lot.
I can usually deal with being home on the weeknights because I figure most people are too. The weekends, though, are supposed to be the time where you go out and be with friends. And, I, I am here at ten o'clock sitting in bed writing a blog that nobody will ever read.
Summed up--Life really sucks right now.
I guess I am not your typical cancer survivor.