I hope everyone is feeling well and happy. I thank you for viewing and reading my blog. Every time you read my blog our connection continues to deepen. You are taking a journey with me filled with tears, pain, anxiety, hard times, and sickness. You are also walking with me through happiness, laughs, love, and compassion. I am reading a book by a Zen practitioner called Lotus In The Fire, he writes about his journey through AML and a transplant. In it speaks of something that I have felt deeply as well. When he was first diagnosed he could hardly fight, yet he survived, his and my only explanation was that the love of our friends and family is what made the difference, the crucial difference between life and death.
Most of you have been following my fight for life for a while now and I have felt and needed your thoughts, gifts, prayers, emails, tonglen, and other modes of support. You have helped me to live thus far. You are part of the reason why I am alive still…go on take a minute and smile and appreciate that you are a lifesaver, your love and compassion have saved my life time and time again, never doubt the power of your own compassion and spirit, never think that an action is to small or has been overlooked…it is said that the flap of a butterfly’s wings can have an extraordinary affect on the entire universe.
But now I must make a call, a call to all of you who love me and have been touched by me. We are about to embark on our most important, yet potentially deadly, leg of the journey. On Tuesday, I will be entering the hospital to begin a cord blood stem cell transplant. I will first receive chemotherapy and radiation that will kill massive amounts of Leukemia blasts. They will also damage my bone marrow to such an extent that I would die without a replacement. This replacement is the stem cells from two different umbilical cords. As these stem cells engraft into my marrow, one of the cords will “win out” and become my new blood system. This system will then actively fight any leukemia cells that are left. Thus curing me and allowing me to fulfill my life goal of becoming a world champion curler.
Here is my call. It is a responsibility that I do not ask lightly. This is to be your responsibility not mine. I promise to fight my ass off. What I need you to do is to concentrate your efforts…pray harder…keep me in your thoughts all day…email me…take care of my mother…take care of beloved, Sara,…if you belong to a church, please put me in your prayer circle or weekly’s…for my Buddhist friends, please practice for me, send me your blessings, if you know a Lama or Monk ask them to say a prayer for me, or do a puja for me. These next few months are critical…I need you all. Expand the circle by telling someone else my story and by giving them my blog address.
Thank you for your continued love and blessings,
JJ
19 comments:
Hello, how are you i read your blog and you seem really interesting.
Im one of Mr. Livingston's students. i think that you'll be in the 30% that survives because you have a really great attitude.
Well keep us posted on how your feeling :)!
hi i am one of tyler livingston's students. i hope you feel better soon. I was wondering how you two met. my dad is a nurse at one of those hospitals maybe he knows you. if he does that would be cool. you'll win i know you will.
keep us posted :)
hey jj,
I cant believe you are going threw all this stuff.It mst be hard.I found your blog becouse Mr.Livingston (your friend tyler) let us go on your website!! I hoe that everything will work out for you!! I would like to help but im just a kid with not that much mone to spare but i give you all the support to elp you keep trying and that you will never give up!! So i hope you will get all the medicine to help you get better. Mean while have al the good ime you can!!
I hope you don't mind that I shared your blog site with some students today. 7th graders, while sometimes completely insane, are also very compassionate and kind, especially when they are confronted with a big dose of reality.
You and your familiy will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. I love you buddy.
OH yeah. Make sure you go back to read your old posts and comments. I told my students to start at the beginning of your blog and work through. You may find more comments from back in August...
I take your request seriously, JJ, and I will call upon all of the bodhisattvas and angels I can think of to continue to illuminate your body and spirit with loving, healing energy.
Love,
Erica
Hi JJ: I mostly keep up to date on your progress/situation through your mom and haven't been able to check out your blog for a while til today. While not a Buddhist, I do practice mindfulness meditation which comes out of the buddhist tradition. So I get what you're talking about. So I will work to keep you in my thoughts and meditations. And I try to hold you and your family in my heart. You're mom is so great and I can see, through her and your blog, how special you are. I hope that this next treatment works, that one of those cord stem cells takes and kicks some serious leukemia butt. I know you will be in the hospital for Christmas, and I imagine that's hard because it's such a family holiday. And being in the hospital just flat out sucks no matter what day it is. So my wish and hope for you for 2006 is that you will be free at last from the chains of pain and stupid leukemia and can stay at home with Sara and your cat. I will be thinking of you.
sincerely, LeslieP a coworker of your mom
Dear JJ! I am not posting much but I do read every single thing you or your Mom write! I check the blog every single day and I am so happy when you post good news! And i am hoping ... or no! waiting for the best ones when you tell us that you are free of cancer!!! You are great and you have loads to give to our world still so you are going to stay in this world much much longer, I know that! I am trying to send you all the energy I have to share from this far away. Love, Natasha
jj - tonight, my friend, i am with you, sara and your family. you are in my tonglen and my thoughts every day. fight, man, fight. and know that i am in the corner rooting for you as hard as i can.
with love,
bill
JJ, I found your blog completely by chance tonight, through your friend WCH...and I had only clicked on his blog by chance, as well.
I've had friends deal with this illness, and I've seen how hard it can be. You sound like an incredible fighter, and that makes all the difference. Hang in there, don't hesitate to accept the support of your friends and family, and know that you're in people's thoughts.
The fact that you're smiling in your picture and you've kept your spirits up through all of this means you've already won. Hang in there, get through the rest and give us the good news once you're able.
By the way, I love Thich Nhat Hanh, but haven't read Old Path White Clouds. I'll have to pick it up. I only just found your blog, and already you've cost me twenty-three bucks. ;)
Chin up.
AB
JJ,
Love you and listen, Jay and I were just wondering one thing...if you finally get that little red dot on your forehead does that mean that you have finally experienced nirvana?
It was such a gift to see you both on Saturday. I love being on the crew.
Bisous,
jennifer juniper
JJ
I am emailing everyone in Australia that I know asking them to pray for you and to add you to their prayer lists
Good Luck and God Bless
Hi JJ,
I'm a co-worker of your mom's and person who tried with the most heart felt of intentions to bring you my Tibetan prayer bowl - which most improbably broke in two as I entered Children's.
I have been meaning to write since reading your entry "The Finger and the Moon." Thank you for that most honest message. I have been a spiritual outsider most of my life for one reason or another, so could relate to your feeling lonely here in MN so far from your Buddhist community in CO. I appreciated your words so much.
And now, I respond to your clarion call and will keep you, your mom, Sara, your cat and the rest of your wonderful family in my thoughts, my prayers, etc. You have shown such amazing courage throughout this long journey - you have shared when you could parts of that journey with those of us you read your blog - you have given us all a huge gift!
This next leg sounds incredibly difficult and yet also hopeful. Life holds so many mysteries - and one of the strongest of these is the power of love. Know that your efforts will be multiplied many fold by the love of family, friends and strangers like me.
We are with you!
Pat
Thank you JJ, you are an amazing source of strength, you have made me stronger person today.
Whatever higher power is out there is behind you 100%
Que tenha muita sorte irmão!!!
stay strong! i'll pray for you :)
Hi jj, love and best wishes from Glasgow, Scotland
Charlie & Nicki
Hello, JJ.
You'll be in my prayers.
-In.
JJ and Sara and family,
You are in my thoughts and prayers, keep kicking ass. . .love radiating your way,Beka
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