Well all, I was hoping to come on and tell you that my leukemia biopsy results were wonderful and better than we expected. Unfortunately, quite the opposite is true.
We wanted the precentage of leukemic blasts to be under 10%. This means that less than 10% of the blood in my marrow would be leukemia (cancer). If this was the case, we would have moved on to the next four week stage of treatment. 20% was the upper range at which the prognosis would not be looking so good. Between 10% - 20%, they would continue with the treatment I got over the past 4 weeks.
My precentage is 17. This is higher than I expected, so I am a little irked, sad, disappointed, but not high enough to overly concerned. So, I am actually recieving another dose of daunomyacin (the kool-aid stuff, see below) as we speak. They are going to give me this dose and the another next wednesday and then do another biopsy after that to see where we are.
Something that has helped me to get through these difficult, and all too ambiguous, days (etc.) (besides my belief in Buddhism) is something I read in a wonderful book by my favorite living philospher Ken Wilber called Grace and Grit. This book is about his journey through the treatment and eventual death of his wife Treya from breast cancer. She came up with this wonderful way of approaching everyday and her treatment, deeply based on her experiences and on Buddhism. She calls it Passionate Equanimity. I plan on talking about this in a future posting, but just as a start, she defines it as To work passionately for life, without attachment to results. Chew on that, I hope it helps for all of you who love me. I will speak more of this later I promise.
I love you all,
(Warning boxing analogy coming on) Those this is a setback, I haven't even touch a knee to the canvas, just got dazed. Boxers are more dangerous when they have been hurt. Watch out leukemia!!!
JJ
5 comments:
I don't see a thrown towel! Does anybody else?
I don't know much about Buddhism, but I know a little Bob Dylan:
"May your hands always be busy,
May your feet always be swift,
May you have a strong foundation
When the winds of changes shift.
May your heart always be joyful,
May your song always be sung,
May you stay forever young,
Forever young, forever young,
May you stay forever young."
Hi JJ - Peg from Children's here again. I'm not at all sure my last comment got to you (maybe I'll check) 'cuz I'm pretty computer non-savvy. But here's the one for this time: I LOVE Ken Wilbur and know very few other people who read him. So my admiration only grows. I have "Graceand Grit" and many other of his books. Having done that kind of reading, you can only be aware of the continuity that transcends lifetimes - and I would be very interested in hearing about how that sustains you as you fight on. I'll be staying tuned! Peg
Hi JJ: Well, I tried to send a commetn, but I think I messed it up, so I'll try again. I work with your mom, so have heard about your (mis)adventures with leukemia. She said you even wanted to hear from folks you don't know (and who don't know you). I'm sad to hear about the biopsy results -- what a bummer. But you seem to have a good attitude right now. Hold on to that for the times when it feels harder. I'm into mindfulness meditation, which comes out of Buddhism. I really believe those traditions and their teachings can help us through the tough times. I'm so glad you have that to sustain you. I want you to know that I and many,many of us at Childrens are thinking about you and your family. I hold you and your family in my heart as you go through this hard journey. I hope those next 2 doses of chemo knock that leukemia on it's butt! Leslie (sorry it shows up as "anonymous" -- I'm intimidated by the whole signing up as a blogger thing!)
friend/co-worker of mom
hi JJ - I've been following along as you share your experiences...not sure what to say, your ability to speak so openly and honestly about your "formidable foe", the big L, is touching, humbling, inspiring - a true reminder that each day we have is a gift to be treasured...I will continue to pray for you and your family and will support your amazing mom in any way that I can. I look forward to future postings and you giving the "big L" the KO!
hey jj. glad to hear that the grace and grit book is inspirational. as tough as things were for me at one point, that book helped me to change my attitude and behavior even though my struggle wasn't against cancer...and you were the one to recommend it! another good book i read is by dr jerome groopman, the anatomy of hope. tough reading but it described some of the things i thought you might be going through. hugs to you. jess
what's up with the boxing analogies?
Post a Comment